My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is wine microwaveable?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
