Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
