i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
