my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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