drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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