If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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