lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
