your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
