I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
