I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize