i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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