I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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