and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
