The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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