chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize