My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
