I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Randomize