So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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