party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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