I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
