seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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