I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
