the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
