Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
