Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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