Your tits are I can't wait for
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
