Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
