Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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