i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Vodka?
Forever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize