If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
