i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
