If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
