sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize