just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Success! We fucked roommates!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
