He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
