There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am available for nakedness
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
