3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
