i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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