your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
