when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
