wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
