the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina is officially offended.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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