By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
