I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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