it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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