your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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