I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
