i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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