this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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