look no pants
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
