HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I looked at my own cervix.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
