My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
