Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
