meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize