Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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