dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
