2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
