Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
