There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
