I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
