Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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