i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
