but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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