Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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