It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
