i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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