i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
