was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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