Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
