Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my being single is dangerous.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
