woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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