Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
