Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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