whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
