As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize